The Ice Cream to my Cake
by Rantzilla
Summary: Sasuke has a little thing for his best friend, said friend is licking an ice cream cone rather arousingly on the couch right beside him. How on Earth will Sasuke deal with his raging hormones? One-shot. Yaoi warning! NaruSasu and OOCness.


So. Here's my little one-shot for a NaruSasu pairing.

The reason for this one-shot is because I was absolutely OUTRAGED when I found out there were more SasuSaku fics than SasuNaru fics. So, in order to avenge the first yaoi pairing I liked, I decided to make as many one-shots for them as possible. So there will be many, many, many more after this! Be prepared!

Oh, this inspiration came from my friend Andy who hates the Baskin Robins commercial for ice cream cake. And from me who ate ice cream after he said that. And then I came up with this!

Yes, enough with my babbling. On to the story!

YAOI PAIRING: SASUKEXNARUTO. Quite obviously, really.

Andy: YES. ON TO THE STORY NOW PLEASE.

OK OK. Geez. Testy, testy.

* * *

**The Ice Cream to my Cake**

Blonde bitch.

Is he _trying _to give me an erection?

I mean honestly, _must _he lick his soft ice cream so deliberately_ slow_?

No complaints here, especially from my buddy downstairs- who was now trying to escape his linen prison.

Stupid blonde. Stupid ice cream.

Personally, I prefer cake. Icing tops ice cream any time, in my opinion. Which is why I hadn't gotten a cone in the first place.

I considered the blonde to be the ice cream to my cake, because I seriously loved ice cream cake. Though I would never admit to it freely. It made me sound ga- oh well never mind. I just wouldn't admit to it, ok? But I didn't like ice cream alone. Nope. Well anyway, it was like ice cream and cake were made for each other, just like me and Naruto. Yes, that was corny.

Speaking of cake, didn't Naruto compare me to it before?

Oh yeah, when we saw Shrek, he said I had layers, too. Like Shrek. Only he thought I was more like a cake than an onion, according to him, I 'smelled too nice.' I would have blushed, had he not stated bluntly after that if I were an onion, I would be able to make him cry. And until then, I had not even thought of making the idiot shed a tear. It was simply resentful to do so. Considering my tiny infatuation- or, um, moderate crush- oh well, ok. I'm in love with the guy. Sue me.

I don't even know how it happened. But it's not like it matters- I will never have him. He likes Sakura, and he's obviously not gay. This wouldn't deter me, but my relationship with him now is just too good for me to pass up. I mean, being his best friend is as close as I'll get to him- and I don't want to make a mistake that'll cost us our friendship.

Damn it, I'm starting to sound like a lovesick school girl.

After a particularly loud slurp from the boy seated next to me, I decided it was time to try and take my mind off the blonde and onto other things. Such as calming the monster in my pants.

Sadly, right now, I am trapped in a room on a couch with my 'friend' who is completely oblivious to the fact that he is making the hormones of his supposed best pal rage with delight at every movement of the wet muscle in his mouth.

Stupid, sexy blonde bitch.

Oh _lord. _Just finish that demon confectionary before I give the guys from the band 'the Lonely Island' a run for their money.

I masked the audible groan that managed to escape me with a slight cough, as his tongue yet again darted from his pink and parted lips to lick a sliver of chocolate escaping down the cone.

Trying to distract myself, I focused my attention on the television which was switched onto a ridiculous channel that was currently airing a show about a fat guy and his family. Somehow, the blonde bimbo found it hilarious. I, on the other hand, found this show utterly and completely idiotic. Though, for the sake of bonding with my so-called 'best friend,' I would watch with the dolt.

Must he _slurp_?

Seriously, who _slurps _ice cream?

Good lord, I have got to cover this up before he sees it.

My hand deftly made its way over to a pillow resting on the side of the couch, dragging it over to where I was seated, where I proceeded to place it over my current… um… issue.

The blonde remained blissfully ignorant to my discomfort.

I watched, or tried to watch, the show on TV, but there was an even greater show sitting just to my right, and it was extremely difficult for me not to look.

After a few moments of attempting to pay attention to the dumb program, a particularly loud slurp sounded from beside me, and then it went oddly silent.

Hm, what could he be doing.

I want to look, but if I do, I don't think I'll be able to control myself.

Must. Pay. Attention. To. Show.

Ignore him.

Ignore him!

There is not a totally adorable blonde that smells like a strange yet alluring combination of ramen and strawberries sitting next to you, it is a hideously fat and grease-ridden bald man, who smells of dead fish and ale, eating an ice cream cone. And if you look, he'll eat you.

Yes, it's a fat man.

Wait, why do I have the feeling I'm being watched?

Oh, of course, the fat man is looking at me. He wants to eat me.

Fat man. Don't look. He'll eat you.

An annoyed yet cute sigh came from the teen beside me.

Definitely not a fat man.

"Sasuke."

Oh lord. Why must he call my name so sweetly? Even if he did sound a bit pissed off.

Maybe if I pretend not to hear him, he'll stop pestering me.

"Sasuke!"

Definitely more annoyed than upset, so he should certainly be fine, no feelings hurt, of course. Wouldn't want the idiot sad.

"Sasuke…"

This one sounded much more hurt, oh lord, don't look at him, don't.

Dammit.

Staring into those blonde eyes is like looking into clear, crystal water. And it caught me by pleasant surprise each time I looked in them.

Though, this time may have been a bit less pleasant, considering he was boiling with anger.

Who knew why? This kid made less sense than 'Lost' on ABC.

His body was twisted to face mine, hands on hips and a stern yet adorable pout on his lips, but with eyes made of fire that bored into mine.

In a desperate attempt to seem normal, I scowled and snapped a 'what?' in his direction. That probably sounded softer than I wanted, but hey, the boy downstairs was still screwing with my head. I couldn't exactly think as straight (no pun intended) as I regularly would.

His anger wavered for a moment, before he glared harder than before, which I matched with one of my own easily.

For a moment, I spaced. And the teenage hormonal side of me took over. I thought of how I would just like to throw Naruto over the back of this couch and have my way with him. Have him squirm beneath me- the feeling of complete and total dominance! I would be the seme! Me!

"Lick my ice cream."

Wow.

Could you please state that less kinkily? You're not helping with my problem. At all. In fact, you are making it ten times worse.

I should have said that, but I thought better of it for obvious reasons.

"I don't like ice cream."

"Why not?"

"Cake is better."

"What about ice cream cake?"

I thought about telling him about my weird obsession with that sweet for a second, and I let a random fantasy take hold as I imagined me as the cake and Naruto as the ice cream. Meshing together we made a swirl of sugary goodness.

Oh, should I answer?

"No."

I told you I wouldn't tell anyone.

The blonde sighed in frustration, and closed his eyes.

"Someone who doesn't like ice cream. You're just… weird!"

I raised an eyebrow. Me, weird? Who eats ramen for breakfast?

Did I say that out loud?

Based on the outraged look on his face, I'm guessing I did.

"Ramen is a good breakfast! It's very nutritious!"

I crossed my arms and turned around completely to face him. Though I shouldn't be touching the object of the reason I currently had a pants monster, I couldn't resist.

I poked his belly, and stated, "ramen can make you fat, and it's already taking its toll on you." Of course, even if you did get chubby, you would make it look good.

Did I say that out loud, too? Tell me I didn't.

Oh curses. I think the hormones are taking over my brain, because judging on the blush that engulfed his entire face, I had said something I hadn't meant to.

I had basically complimented him.

Me! Evil, cold, icy me! Gave someone a compliment!

"Are you saying I… look good?"

No, silly. I'm saying you're a gorgeous blonde bimbo who I'd like to screw senseless. But of course I'd never tell you that.

And I just did, didn't I?

Damn, why do I lose my brain when I'm horny?

Mouth, why have you betrayed me!

Naruto's face grew ten shades redder, as did mine, but I couldn't help but smirk.

I mean, it was a good sign that he hadn't gotten up and ran yet, right?

Of course I've dreamed of telling him stuff like this. And then I dreamed he would kick me in my jewels, run off screaming about gay best friends, and tell everyone at school that I wanted a taste of the rainbow. Or maybe he would punch me in the gut, run off again, and tell my parents that their youngest son was a perverted homosexual. And then I dreamt about him submitting to my devastating good looks, and screwing him senseless.

Though I hadn't considered a face full of ice cream, which is exactly what I got.

The first things out of my mouth were an assortment of random profanities accompanied by a few insults directed at the blonde. You can't blame me, try having the cold substance shoved all over your face and see how you like it.

I cleared the path of my vision with the backs of my hands, and proceeded to glare my deadliest and coldest glare I could at the fuming and flustered blonde- who was still blushing, may I add- who returned it twice as nastily.

"You're perverted!"

And you're sexy.

Dammit, mouth!

"Do you like me?"

The question came abruptly, but considering my brain wasn't working with my mouth anymore, and had taken the side of the bulging thing in my pants, I had an answer ready.

"Of course I do, isn't it obvious?"

It came out cold and accompanied with a sneer.

Gosh, little Sasu. You sure have a way of seducing the ones you want.

I watched him as he blinked once.

Twice.

The blush never left his beautifully tanned face, and he still wore the same dumb and confounded look on his face that he had when he was asked to answer a math question during Algebra. But in class, he wasn't blushing.

He opened and closed his mouth to respond. Again. And again.

How the hell did I fall in love with such an idiot?

The pretty blue eyes widened in shock- and he froze with mouth agape.

…

…

……..

Did I just tell him that I was in love with him?

Well shit.

Beating around the bush wasn't really my thing anyway. Just try and keep your cool, Sasuke. That's right. Smirk it off.

The blush is kind of giving me away.

I was scared for the first time in my life, scared of rejection. Tell the press! Extra, extra! Sasuke is being a horny bastard! And is risking losing his best friend just because his mouth won't listen to his brain but instead to his manhood!

Still, he sat frozen. Like a fish. Mouth opening and closing. And opening and closing again. Over and over until my new fear seemed to dissipate into irritation at his lack of response.

Then, he frowned. And I frowned. For one brief second, I saw him smirk. A mysterious smirk, which I soon found the meaning of.

For he had lunged face-first at me, licking the sticky chocolate off my face with eagerness.

It was my turn to freeze.

As much as I liked getting cleaned by Naruto's tongue- I would not be satisfied until it was either in my mouth or licking the thing between my legs.

………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………….

I could not think of a worse time to voice my thoughts.

So we stayed there- my jaw off its hinges uncharacteristically and with the blonde's tongue resting unmoving on my cheek. The television blared an advertisement for –ironically enough- Viagra. I guess that's why they called it 'Adult Swim.'

The warm muscle retreated, much to my dismay, and I closed my mouth.

Only to have my mouth bombarded a moment later by someone else's.

Those lips that I had wanted secretly for the past year, but thought I could never have.

Those lips that belonged to Naruto,

the object of my affection,

my best friend,

and most importantly (at the moment), the thing that caused the disturbance in the force of my pants.

And I was kissing back.

Well, duh.

With my free arm, I cleared my face of the creamy residue and the other arm snaked around my idiot's waist.

Yes, _my _idiot's.

I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and begging for entrance with my tongue.

He granted it easily.

Yeah, bitch. You better appease the thing in my pants. Or it'll eat you.

Ok, I was quite frankly ecstatic I hadn't voiced that.

Or had I?

It was hard to tell, since I wasn't thinking straight (again, no pun intended) anymore.

One moment we're sitting, the next moment I am pinning him to the couch and engaging him in the hottest (and only) make-out session of my life. My hormones were practically dancing with glee. And the tightening of my pants just proved it.

In the background of our um… noises, I could hear the annoying jingle of the Baskin Robins commercial from the TV.

"Ice cream and cake do the ice cream and cake! Ice cream and cake do the ice cream and cake!"

Oh, the irony.

I groped for the remote to turn off the television, knowing that soon enough, I'd be 'doing the ice cream' right on my living room couch.

* * *

The end!

Good LORD I'm terrible with endings.

This was written in like... twenty minutes. Don't hate me for poor quality.

Andy: It did not take twenty minutes. You worked on it for like, two hours. I should know. You weren't talking on AIM. :

Yeah, yeah. Details, details.

Oh, to clarify, the band 'The Lonely Island' made the song 'Jizz in my Pants.' Or at least I think they did. I have no idea. But Google told me so. And Youtube.

...Anyway. I hope you liked this one-shot. And hopefully there will be more. BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE SURE THERE ARE MORE SASUNARU THAN SASUSAKU.

You all can help to!

Please! Just make a short 200 or 100 word one-shot for Sasuke and Naruto! If you love this pairing as much as I do, it would help avenge them! D:

You don't have to thought. . I don't wanna pressure you.

Andy: PEER PRESSURE BAD.

Yes. Yes it is.

So I'll see you guys on the next one-shot! That I might type tomorrow! BYE~


End file.
